We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
