So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
