remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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