My underwear smells like fireworks.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
