she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
