I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
