That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
