You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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