you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
