I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
