Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
