Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
