I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were trust falling into bushes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
