I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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