i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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