it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
