Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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