And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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