So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
