Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
