i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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