His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
