apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
