We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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