Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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