You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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