even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
