My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
