if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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