Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize