i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's shark week go big or go home
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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