I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
