i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
they need to just BURY HIM!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
