Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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