I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
