he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
