I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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