yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
