did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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