I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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