wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
