Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
