Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
