I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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