I cockslap morals
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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