We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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