Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
