I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
