I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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