If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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