i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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