does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
