Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
