Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
