Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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