Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
