apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
