You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
