you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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