God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
