The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
