I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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