i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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