My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
