Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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