I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
