I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
