Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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