he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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