I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize