omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
