Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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