I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
