my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't turn off my feet"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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