I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
