definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
