Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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