Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
