I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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