I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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