I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
