I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
