what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
