Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
