real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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