mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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