Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
