I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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