so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
