I wish I could punch you in the face.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
