i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
