dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
