last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
