my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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