remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
