in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
