The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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