im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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