I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
