I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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