she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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