Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
