I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize