is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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