that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
