I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
