Where is the hickey?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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