Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
