just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
