i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
