theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
