She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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