I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
