You're my little dorito
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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