you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
