Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
