your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I believe in your delicious
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize