that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
