the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
